Don't Trip

I'm not a fan of my past. I really wish there was a better way to learn what's wrong and what's right. Nothing works better than a real personal experience. You learn a lot from your own mistakes, so not having any is an issue; it makes you more open to causing a HUGE problem. It's hard to say I'd go back and change things if I could because I know that I'd never make the same mistake again since I understand the consequences of my actions are almost always going to be bad and I'll hate the way I feel in the morning. I really do hate the person I was, even if I told my friends how I felt I think they'd take it with a grain of salt. I understand it's hard to believe claims that have no support; it's impossible to prove it without evidence to back it up. But if I could visually show everyone how I felt when I went through some of the things I did, I think I'd be set in proving that I'm no longer the person I used to be. No more anger, lies, complaining, unnecessary pain, or stupid beliefs.

To sum up the kind of person I used to be in short detail: I was ignorant to becoming a better person, I believed things would fall in place for me and I could do no wrong in doing what I wanted to do. I'd believe the stupidest things that formed in my mind, say the dumbest things I could possibly dream. I'd take words and actions and skew them out of proportion. Put simply, I was a good person but I thought too much of myself, I was too comfortable with my life and believed my only challenge left in life was getting through school. I hurt a lot of people around me, indirectly and directly. I missed out on too many things.

That is why I'm writing this tonight; my past is haunting me right now. As much as it is an example for me to learn from, it also hinders me in some ways. In situations that are familiar, I take my time, so I can get things right and not screw things up to the point where I hate my past even more.

I'm trying to be careful with my life, I don't want to ever become comfortable with myself or with anyone close to me. I'll always be trying to become a better person and I'll always hold myself responsible for my past, I feel that is the best motivation for myself right now.