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confused
December 2008 
Confused
Posted on Dec 1st, 2008
by 
Terence
Terence
I don't want to write a bunch of cryptic paragraphs about how I'm feeling, so it'll be straight up in this entry.
I'm really confused about how I feel. Remember that girl from the previous entries? Well she turned me down on a count of my past and some other factors I guess. Anyways, it's been two weeks since that happened. She's still a really good friend and we see each other almost every day in the form of hanging out with other friends. At first things were a little awkward from my side, I guess. I wasn't really understanding what just happened; it seemed like it was going well and then poof. Basically we were vibing physically and then we both agreed to slow down.. get to know each other. Why? I can't recall for sure, but I think it was cause I dropped hints that I actually had feelings for her, even though she kept telling me she didn't want a boyfriend and such. It just seemed like I was changing her mind.
Then it all just hits a brick wall. Anyways, I'm just really confused still, even though I've forced all that away to the back of my mind there's still a little traffic making it's way back to me. I'm hoping making an entry will help me keep it off my mind. I find writing to do that for me sometimes. Trying to move on, but I'm lost, where do I go?!
I'm really confused about how I feel. Remember that girl from the previous entries? Well she turned me down on a count of my past and some other factors I guess. Anyways, it's been two weeks since that happened. She's still a really good friend and we see each other almost every day in the form of hanging out with other friends. At first things were a little awkward from my side, I guess. I wasn't really understanding what just happened; it seemed like it was going well and then poof. Basically we were vibing physically and then we both agreed to slow down.. get to know each other. Why? I can't recall for sure, but I think it was cause I dropped hints that I actually had feelings for her, even though she kept telling me she didn't want a boyfriend and such. It just seemed like I was changing her mind.
Then it all just hits a brick wall. Anyways, I'm just really confused still, even though I've forced all that away to the back of my mind there's still a little traffic making it's way back to me. I'm hoping making an entry will help me keep it off my mind. I find writing to do that for me sometimes. Trying to move on, but I'm lost, where do I go?!
On another note, my ex asked me if I kept the pictures that I had of her. I told her I threw out most of them just this Thanksgiving break (I kept them for quite some time but I never looked at them and they were sitting next to the garbage). She got upset, saying it was pretty mean of me to do that. But as far as I'm concerned they were taking up space and I still have plenty on my computer and a few physical ones left just for the hell of it. Oh, we were talking on AIM when this happened. I'm not a heartless guy, but I really don't care about her much any more. There's a little bit of care left in me but not much. And since we stopped seeing each other, I've had a happier life. I haven't told her because it'd just make her really upset, she really wants to keep me as a friend where as I could care less if she fell off the face of the earth. Honestly. But I'd rather swallow my pride and let her be happy.
Well, that's it for this entry.
P.S. Oh, Japanese is going great! Signed up for Japanese II and my friend did as well. I can't wait.
P.S. Oh, Japanese is going great! Signed up for Japanese II and my friend did as well. I can't wait.
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